My wish...

For the select people I didn't get to tell personally "merry christmas".... I'm sorry. I hope everyone had a great christmas. I hope that memories were made and futures created. Old traditions honored and future traditions formed. I wish the people from my past, present, and future know how grateful I am for the lessons learned. Those who exist in the distance - I wish all the best. I hope they all know that no matter what obstacles are given, I will always exist in the shadows. I will be there to pick up the pieces of life and I will always be there to celebrate the achievements - even if it's only in thought.

For all of you who are out there who I didn't get a chance to say how much I love each and every one of you. My heart is spread across the oceans and circles continents. I did not get to tell all the people who deserve it... that I am proud, excited, and jealous. Some get the opportunity to see the world and that thought amazes me. Although I hope that a small piece of me went along for the ride.

Family and friends are the greatest gifts ever given and the most valuable assets one could have.

The cars I drive are meaningless. The house I own is a building. The money I have is paper. The family I was blessed with, the friends I have gained, and even the people I have yet to meet, are what makes my life richly complete.

I have learned many things in my relatively short life: never be afraid to tell someone you love them, always remember the best moments are unplanned, learn to listen and give compliments, find a reason to laugh, and the most important thing is to never regret anything; it doesn't matter if the experience is good, bad, or indifferent, something is always gained. Be proud of each moment and experience.

So finally, I love you all. I miss you! Despite the different paths our lives have taken over the years, I will always be available. I will always be grateful for what you have taught me. I will always remember. I will always care.

~S~

Dutch Christmas

I hope that everyone had a great Dutch Xmas. We had a wonderful time! The past few years we have been increasingly more traditional for this holiday. Rob made sure he had the 5th & 6th off work. We did our best to be old school this year. We did gifts on Christmas Eve. We put out shoes. On Christmas Day I did my best to keep food traditional also. I looked online and found some recipes that I wanted to try. Since we are vegetarian we can't make Grandma Jo's croquettes. We did find some potato versions though. I made a something called Rivel Soup. It was pretty basic; made with broth, vegetables, & homemade dough crumbled fairly small. I messed it up LOL it was bland and I added too much salt. I tried! All I wanted to do was make the day special for Rob & the boys. It has been hard the past 2 years without Grandma Jo.
Overall, we all had such an amazing time! The party was great! We appreciate Sinter Klaas. He has made it so special. I look forward to him. I don't know that we'll ever be able to tell him really how much we appreciate what he is giving us and our children. I love listening to his stories.
I think this was my favorite Christmas yet! We had a great time!!!
I still have some recipes that I am going to try. I'm going to make some on the 24th & hopefully we'll have time on the 25th. Rob wants me to make sure I cook on New Year's Eve. I know that was also important holiday. I've head all about the parties with food and dancing... sounds so perfect! I hope I can make these holidays just as memorable for Rob & the boys.

Dutch Xmas

As we were browsing through our latest pictures I stumbled upon this one. This is me holding the newest member of our family, Kaiden. The reason I am sharing this photo is because it has gained new meaning to me following a very important assignment that was given in my therapy group. Since this is my 2nd time going through this program, this is the 2nd time I received this assignment... Find 'my' compassionate image (an image that evokes genuine compassion) and then I'm supposed to view myself from that compassionate place and write a letter to myself. I have never been able to do it. I have never been able to relate compassion to myself in any capacity. This time through my genius dr was able to help me figure out what MY compassionate image is. I was actually able to think of that situation and relate it to myself. The only problem that arose is that I refuse to think about it because it is TOO emotional. So I'm still screwed! We have since been trying to think of any other type of image that is similar but isn't as powerful. I promised I'd try. I FOUND IT! I realize that no one understands why this is so important and so big for me - and that's ok cuz no one is really supposed to.

This is the first thing that I have been able to look back at myself and SEE compassion - I can look at this picture and SEE what I was feeling at that very moment. I may not be able to maintain that feeling when I try focusing that compassion towards myself but this is so much closer than I've ever been. I don't remember ever being so open with my emotions (and being caught on camera LOL). This is huge and I am so proud.

Get out and VOTE

It's not to late to get out and vote today. Polls close in Utah at 8:00 PM remember every vote counts!

Halloween 2008

This year we had a Halloween party. Most of these pictures are from that day. This year was the first time the kids really got to Trick-or-Treat. It was SO much fun!!! It was such a great time.

BRRRRR!

I didn't get to post until now but last week end 10/12 we were getting our first snow of the year. It's been cold since for all of you out SLC but we should be up to the mid 70's this weekend

(Enjoy your weather while it last you St. Geroge'ins)

Life is short - cherish what you have

I wanted to post this because it really hits close to home. We all know how short life can be and how quickly things can change. Cesar (a new employee at Crossroads) just recently lost his 3 month pre-mature child due to compilations. Our family has seen this first hand and knows how hard it can be. Luckily we got the positive side of the possible out comes. I think we are all that much more thankfully everyday. Please take a second to read what our regional manager had to say.

To All Employees,
As some of you may know, Cesar Valladares (groundskeeper for Crossroads and Palladio) and his wife were expecting a baby. A few weeks ago, Cesar's wife had complications and ended up having an emergency C-section at the University of Utah Hospital. Their baby was born 3 months pre-mature but was stable. His wife was in the hospital for a few days and was later released but had a severe infection to her wound. She was also told she would be unable to have any more children. Cesar had been working full time while also caring for his wife and child and driving up to the hospital every day to spend time with his newborn. Last Monday morning, Cesar received a call that his child was in serious danger due to an intestinal infection and was transferred to Primary Children's for emergency surgery. Unfortunately, the surgery did not go well and Cesar and his wife received the worst news a parent can receive and were put in a position to take his little girl off of life support last Wednesday.

Cesar is a very responsible and hard working individual, but due to this situation, he has been unable to work. Although, he has only been with the company a short time Wasatch is assisting him with Bereavement pay to help in his situation, but he doesn't have any vacation or additional leave available. We are hoping to raise funds to help Cesar out with some of the memorial services and other expenses he has. If you would like to help, please contact Eugenia Cascante cr.manager@netwasatch.com or 801-973-0794 and she can come and pick up your donation. Every little bit can make a difference for Cesar and his family, even if it is a couple of dollars.

Thank you in advance for your generosity.

If you would like to help Cesar and his family out please call me at 801-973-0794 or e-mail cr.financial@netwasatch.com. I can give you more information.

hhhmmmm

What to say... I don't know!!! Robert finished softball the other night. It was fun. He starts his 2nd job tomorrow night :\ I can't help but feel horrible about it. I am so thankful for having such an amazing, selfless, husband. I dont know how he does what he does.

I graduated my outpatient therapy program last week. I have been trying for the past month to convince myself I should be happy and proud but when the day came I was really upset. I felt like I didn't deserve it. That because I wasn't 100% of where I expect myself to be - where I WANT to be - that I failed. I am continuing weekly therapy and I decided to repeat the program immediately w/o a break. So, I am hoping my doctor is right ... that if I can let go of my self-judgment habit I can go so much farther. Logically I know I have come an extremely long way from where I was 6 months ago. I just want to be perfect right NOW and that's not going to happen :)

The boys are great. I'm not feeling well so I'm gonna head to bed.

So Far September

Well it's time for another update :) I have tried every day to get this written but haven't been successful, obviously!

Things have been moving along. Lots of medical crap that we're less than enthusiastic about addressing - but have to.

Carter saw his urologist on Monday and will have to have at least 2 more surgeries. One to clean out the infection that has developed due to his first surgery in March. So we're optimistic that the infection will be cleared the first time. Once the infection is completely cleared, we can schedule the surgery to repair the torsion - AGAIN! What are the odds that the surgery would repair the initial torsion, then a second one develops that is different than the first. I just feel bad for my Monkey. I guess that any mother has trouble being patient when their child is in pain. I will be excited to put this behind us and move forward. It is already affecting Carter psychologically. So I want this done fast!

Rayden is great! Potty training with ease! He is the most independent little shit! He has to do everything himself all the time! He saw rob go to the bathroom once and now he REFUSES to sit on the potty. He has to stand! We have step stools in front of the toilet & one in front of the sink so he can go potty & wash his hands w/o help. Letting go of ME controlling things is the biggest challenge. Its hard to step back and let the boys do things on their own. Besides me being a control freak - it blows my mind that my babies are big enough to be doing so much alone.

Robert is enjoying his new softball league. We go to his games whenever possible. Basically - whenever I can get other people to go with me because the twins LOVE running around the top of the complex and they go in opposite directions yelling "chase me mommy!" It is impossible for me to wrangle them alone. The boys LOVE watching Rob play. They appropriately "GO DADDY! HIT THE BALL!" or "YEA DADDY!" and "DADDY CATCH THE BALL!!!" and with whatever he does he gets "GOOD JOB DADDY!!" Rob says he can hear them when he's playing down on the field - which makes him happy.

As for me; I'm still blissfully employed as a Mommy! It is absolutely amazing. I am so lucky. I just hope the twins like it as much as I do. I'm sure that some days are questionable haha
I still have medical crap to deal with. My Intersticial Cystitis has been bothering me since I stopped one of my medications at the request of my pain docs. I used to take 2 anti-seizure medications: 1 to control my pelvic pain and the other to deal with the fibromyalgia. The new DR said that the fibro medication should control both... yeah right! *sigh* I don't have the energy to fight right now. My pain is constant and the pain medication on takes away certain pain - others are constant. Things with my gastric bypass haven't been going well. I've gained weight back with no clear reason why. We were thinking my stomach was damaged and stretched out from something that happened in March. I had a second surgeon do another scope of my stomach and they found out why I'm sick & vomiting all the time; along with the stomach pains. Still no answer about why I can't lose weight. My stomach measures 4cm from top to bottom - so it's very small. What they found was at the bottom of my stomach there are two tunnels. One is where my intestine was re-attached and that is normal. The 2nd tunnel is where my intestines were before surgery. Instead of closing that opening right up at the stomach, the doc closed it off further down so what is left is a tunnel that food can sit in and not go anywhere- so my body tries to get rid of the food by pushing it up cuz it cant go anywhere else. So that process is what makes me feel so sick all the time - food that is partially broken down but not digested. Yummy! The only way to fix that is to operate again and close that off right at the edge of the stomach. How we are going to pay for that - NO CLUE! My old insurance paid for the first surgery but I don't have that insurance anymore - just Rob's, which covers NOTHING related to bariatric surgery. The new doc I'm seeing about my stomach has me doing a detailed food log for a week and keeping track of my calorie intake. He thinks that it something hormonal that's preventing weight loss. May be my medications also. So it's a work in progress. I'm just thankful I FINALLY found a Dr. that agreed to take over my treatment. I've been searching for months - every office refused to see me because of who did the surgery - he is such a jerk. Whatever will be, will be.

Jer is moving out & a friend of mine will be moving in next week. I am looking forward to that. So have a busy week ahead of us. We are finishing the bathroom downstairs. Then we will paint the bathroom & the bedroom. Not to mention cleaning out the basement so she has her own space. Having someone pay rent will make things easier for us. Rob is still getting a 2nd job though. We are still paying for Carter's last surgery... now we have the scope I just got (which bills like an operation AKA WWWAAAAYYY expensive!), and Carters surgery thursday plus his 2nd surgery as soon as the infection clears. And even though this infection is a complication from the initial surgery - the insurance won't cover it that way (which would be free) because it didn't happen within the first 10 days. So it is like a brand new surgery. His first one was almost 1,000 out-of-pocket. Crappy insurance! We're just trying not to think about it because worrying just makes things worse. Carter's surgeries are unavoidable so it doesn't do any good to stress. Things have a funny way of working out.

WOW it's much later than I thought! Time to give sleep a try! WISH ME LUCK! ;)

~ Shelby

Kite Festival

The Snyder-Warenski clan took a road trip to American Fork for a kite festival. American Fork has just added new windmills to produce "green" energy source for the city. They kids liked all the kinds of kites and all the colors. They even got to make a kite of their own and then go fly it on the mountain side. Photos.... of course.

Long Update

Hey everyone. It has been a while since my last post. Things with us have been a tad stressful. Lots of changes.

The boys are doing great! Carter is having some complications from the surgery he had in March. He was doing OK until about a month ago. He complained every time we changed his diaper that it hurt. So we made an apt with his urologist. Not to mention that he has stopped potty training because he has a very severe bend that makes him pee all over his leg - poor kid! I wouldn't want to go either! So that was another reason he needed to be seen. Then things started to become extremely painful when he would sleep - he couldn't have any pressure on his front at all - not even a diaper. We had to put him on narcotic pain medication because we couldn't control the pain. He has even had an incident where he woke up in extreme pain because it was preventing him from peeing. He was very swollen. The medication and a warm shower got him to relax enough that he was able to go to the bathroom - and boy did he ever! ALL OVER THE HOUSE!!! That was a bad morning! He felt so bad about peeing on the carpet and couch that he would yell" oh no! oh no! Mommy help!" and just cry. Made my heart break. His visit with the doc yielded some bad news. He has a massive infection in the tissue and they found a large lump in his groin and a lot of scar tissue. We are unsure what the lump is - we are hoping that is infection. He actually has puss that has come to the surface and created a sore for it to ooze out of the skin. He has been on strong antibiotics for 2 weeks now and the sore is still oozing and bleeding. :( Still having problems. We go back on sept. 15 for another check. Once the infection is gone we can start dealing with the lump and the bending. He will most likely have to have surgery again. One step at a time. I just hate my baby being in pain.
On a brighter note - they are doing amazingly well with their sign language. It truly is a second language for them. They know the signs for everything they speak. It is so awesome. Since I am home with them now I am trying to be as effective with my time with them as I can. I frequent a teacher supply store to ensure I have the best tools to educate them in a fun way.

Rob is working hard as usual. He has been looking for a second job and has been offered a position as an alternate at Genesis Youth Center - kiddie jail. It will be graveyards so the kids will be sleeping which makes his job easy. He hasn't started yet and once he does it will take a month before he gets his first paycheck - which sucks! So the sooner the better.

I have been going to a Pain Clinic for the past month to try and get control of my body. You'd think it'd be easy but it's a struggle. CONSTANTLY. I am just very lucky to be surrounded by such amazing people.
I am also heading a "donation drive" for Primary Children's. We will do the donation right before Christmas but I am trying to get things going now. So I am excited for that.

This is very long so I'll stop :)

Test

TEST POST

Fun at home!!!

Well, the boys had so much fun disc golfing, we just happened to find a miniature set at Target for $20 bucks. We TOTALLY had to buy it! The boys understand where the discs need to end up but they aren't quite getting the throwing from a distance thing...

Last night it was raining pretty bad. It had been raining off-and-on all day. Well it was about 9:30pm - a little past the boys' bedtime but lightning and thunder started so the boys were fascinated watching out the window. Then Mommy gets a juvenile urge to be the crazy spontaneous mom I always dreamed of being ;)






We played on the slide - then the kids decided they didn't want wet shirts on. Once the shirts were off they decided the diapers were next! So the boys played naked in the rain - in our front yard - for about 10 min! Holy crap - if that doesn't get social services called on us I don't know what will HAHAHA.





oh - by the way - Rayden made sure he added to the water that was gushing down the gutter... that's one way to potty train I guess! ;)

BOYS DAY OUT

Our At-Home Family Vacation

OK so this time we were scheduled to be in San Diego but plans changed and we decided to make the best of it and do things here in Salt Lake. It was supposed to officially begin yesterday but I had an apt and Rob had a softball game. So today we were supposed to go disc golfing... but I suck! My fibromyalgia is HORRIBLY flaring and my whole body hurts and all I want to do is sleep. So the plans got canceled. I have been skimping on my medication - I was hoping that it wouldn't affect me SO much! I really just am trying to save $ on all my meds. Besides, I don't want to refill an entire Rx when I am starting at a pain clinic on tuesday. So I am hoping they change my meds and get me on something that works better.

*sigh*

I feel really guilty about ruining today. I SUCK!!!!!!!!!

4th of July 2008

RUITMAN FAMILY BLOG

Sunday, June 29, 2008
RUITMAN FAMILY BLOG

I just want whomever is looking at our page to know that I have started a blog for the Ruitman family. Since we will no longer be using Myfamily.com I wanted us to still have a central place to go. I have created an email address specifically for family use and that will allow everyone to login using the same email address and be able to have our posts on the main page. If anyone wants to know the login & password just email me.

lovingmytwins@hotmail.com

The address to view the family blog is: www.ruitmanblog.blogspot.com

I really want it to work!!

Also, let me know if you want your personal blog added to the list of links on the family blog. I don't want to add any in case someone doesn't want theirs accessible to the whole family.

~Shelby~

I have had a little bit of a rough week with my migraines but the kids couldn't have been better! I was curled up in the fetal position yesterday because of the pain - Rayden took up residence behind my knees and laid on my hip; Carter sat in front of my stomach and laid on my head. We stayed exactly like that for 3 hours! The only reason they got up is because I had to get up. When I got back to the couch - they curled up with me again. I LOVED IT!!! They are so sensitive. I am so lucky!

Well a sick mommy doesn't stop My Boys from playing kickball!

Here is Carter running as fast as he can in the opposite direction just because he can:




Here is Rayden learning how to kick the ball with intent:




Both the boys are chasing the runaway ball:




Rayden just relaxing after a tough game against his brother:

Softball update

So we are STILL winless in softball... :( We are starting to play better as a team but we found out that we got bumped up in skill groups. We were suppose to be at the very bottom (first time players) out of 7 categories but we are playing in level 5. I'm sure the better teams are sick of playing our bad team. Our last game we were winning for a little while and I was putting everything I had into this game by example. All heart, sacrifice the body! I took a slide into 2nd base wearing shorts... I was picking dirt out of my leg for 10-15 mins.



We have 3 games left for the year, hopefully we get at lest ONE WIN!

It's SUMMER!