Hhhhhmmmmmm. I feel like I should post an update but there really isn't much to say. Maybe it's because it's 4am and I need to do something :)

Rob is busy working away. He has been really frustrated with softball because the past 3 weeks his games have been canceled due to rain. It is supposed to rain again today... poor Rob!

The boys are doing so well! I just love that I finally get the opportunity to stay home with them! Things have changed so much since I've been home. They have a completely different attitude with me. I have fun just watching them. It is so hard to grasp that they are so big and are learning so much. They embrace everything I throw at them. We are currently working on learning colors, counting in english & spanish, learning a little chinese (I am learning right along with them so it's harder to teach, all I can do really is re-enforce), and they are still developing their sign language. I just got them a new signing DVD so they are working on the new signs - they are technically on level 4 but I am putting that off until after the trip to San Diego in July. I skipped them to level 9 because that is where they learn the signs for zoo & marine animals. They are picking it up so much faster than I anicipated but Rob & I are constantly 'testing' them through the day so we know they are retaining the signs and know the context. Oh man I really can't believe how smart they are! We are working on potty training as well. Rayden LOVES going potty. Carter was doing well with it too until his surgery, now he has stopped. The urologist said that is fairly common though. We just need to keep up trying. Every time they go potty they get to pick money out of the change jar and put it in their piggy banks - it is so weird that they love doing that! My side of the family is doing a "donation tree" for Primary Childrens Hospital at christmas so everyone in the extended family can work together at something productive. This is the first year we have done anything like this. I think it's such a great idea. I am trying to teach the boys what we are going to do with their potty money - we are going to put that into our donation so they can participate too. It hits a little more to home for Rob and I because Carter was hospitalized over Christmas in 2006. So I thought I could put something about their donation in their baby book and why we are doing it.

As for me, I am just taking life hour by hour! I am trying to focus on just living in this second - no past, no future... just enjoying right now. I feel so lucky to have such a supportive husband. He is being amazing. I never thought life would take me to where I am physically or emotionally - but it has. I have had a hard time coming to terms with it and I'm sure Rob never envisioned things either. I am unable to work at all because of my problems & after years of fighting it, it's time to accept it and focus on getting better - in all aspects of life. I am working really hard on the program I am in for 'behavior modification' & therapy. It is hard because we have to pay cash for all the classes and weekly therapy apts. I feel so lucky to have found this program in Utah - it's the only one and it is very hard to get into because they keep the group at 8 people. The program is 6months and I have to take it twice. It is a lot like a real class where we learn and have homework - daily things to work on. It takes a lot to push through the class, I'll be honest. We are beginning to get deeper into things that really hit close to home so it is taking a lot more concentration. I think I am putting a lot more into it than others in the group because I want it so much and I sure don't want to waste so much $$ haha! But seriously, it has been making such a difference in our day-to-day lives. I haven't been able to get out much because my pain issues have become severe again so I have missed all family gatherings since march. I talk to family and friends on the phone now and get compliments on how different I SOUND! I keep getting such positive feedback from those around me on the difference they are noticing and that makes me want to succeed in this program even more. Possibilities are endless!

As for the physical side of things - I am just biding my time until my first appointment with the Pain Clinic at the Utah Cancer Center. - No I don't have cancer but the doctors who provide pain care to cancer patients will be trying to resolve my issues also - so I am very optimistic. It has taken 6 months to get to where I am now - which is 1 month away from my first apt! I just keep telling myself it is worth the wait and I am close to the finish line!!
My back has been bothering me for a few weeks, and since when my back goes out it only lasts a few days - having it for weeks told me something is different. I went to an orthopedic surgeon instead of my chiropractor. They checked my lower back because that's where the most pain is - and I have scoliosis in my lower back. I knew there were problems with my mid back from a car accident when I was 15. It caused discs in my mid back to curve also. The problem now is that my mid back curves one way then the lower back goes the opposite. They said i have to make separate apts to have my mid back looked at and another for the neck pain. ***gggrrrr*** they also want me in physical therapy 2x per week so I can strengthen my back muscles so the curvature isn't so painful - but they said it is degenerative and will get worse with time and there isn't anything they can do. All I can do is make my back as strong as possible so little things don't set off pain. It makes sense but right now there just isn't a way for us to budget those apts in let alone find TIME to go! It's not just me - and we are already having babysitters at least twice a week for my therapy stuff. It is frustrating to have another thing to add to the list of crap that is wrong but I'm getting numb to it now. I cant change it, so why stress right? I figured that I will have my best friends brother help me learn exercises for my back because he is a personal trainer. So as long as I don't over-do it I think that's a great alternative. I can get better while at home with the boys :)

I think this is WELL beyond the point of being a good update :)


****Oh by the way, when I changed our layout it deleted the links I had for the other blogs... will you email them to me or just 'reply' with your blog address so I can add them back? Thanks all!!!!****

Much Love,
Shelby