My wish...

For the select people I didn't get to tell personally "merry christmas".... I'm sorry. I hope everyone had a great christmas. I hope that memories were made and futures created. Old traditions honored and future traditions formed. I wish the people from my past, present, and future know how grateful I am for the lessons learned. Those who exist in the distance - I wish all the best. I hope they all know that no matter what obstacles are given, I will always exist in the shadows. I will be there to pick up the pieces of life and I will always be there to celebrate the achievements - even if it's only in thought.

For all of you who are out there who I didn't get a chance to say how much I love each and every one of you. My heart is spread across the oceans and circles continents. I did not get to tell all the people who deserve it... that I am proud, excited, and jealous. Some get the opportunity to see the world and that thought amazes me. Although I hope that a small piece of me went along for the ride.

Family and friends are the greatest gifts ever given and the most valuable assets one could have.

The cars I drive are meaningless. The house I own is a building. The money I have is paper. The family I was blessed with, the friends I have gained, and even the people I have yet to meet, are what makes my life richly complete.

I have learned many things in my relatively short life: never be afraid to tell someone you love them, always remember the best moments are unplanned, learn to listen and give compliments, find a reason to laugh, and the most important thing is to never regret anything; it doesn't matter if the experience is good, bad, or indifferent, something is always gained. Be proud of each moment and experience.

So finally, I love you all. I miss you! Despite the different paths our lives have taken over the years, I will always be available. I will always be grateful for what you have taught me. I will always remember. I will always care.

~S~

Dutch Christmas

I hope that everyone had a great Dutch Xmas. We had a wonderful time! The past few years we have been increasingly more traditional for this holiday. Rob made sure he had the 5th & 6th off work. We did our best to be old school this year. We did gifts on Christmas Eve. We put out shoes. On Christmas Day I did my best to keep food traditional also. I looked online and found some recipes that I wanted to try. Since we are vegetarian we can't make Grandma Jo's croquettes. We did find some potato versions though. I made a something called Rivel Soup. It was pretty basic; made with broth, vegetables, & homemade dough crumbled fairly small. I messed it up LOL it was bland and I added too much salt. I tried! All I wanted to do was make the day special for Rob & the boys. It has been hard the past 2 years without Grandma Jo.
Overall, we all had such an amazing time! The party was great! We appreciate Sinter Klaas. He has made it so special. I look forward to him. I don't know that we'll ever be able to tell him really how much we appreciate what he is giving us and our children. I love listening to his stories.
I think this was my favorite Christmas yet! We had a great time!!!
I still have some recipes that I am going to try. I'm going to make some on the 24th & hopefully we'll have time on the 25th. Rob wants me to make sure I cook on New Year's Eve. I know that was also important holiday. I've head all about the parties with food and dancing... sounds so perfect! I hope I can make these holidays just as memorable for Rob & the boys.

Dutch Xmas

As we were browsing through our latest pictures I stumbled upon this one. This is me holding the newest member of our family, Kaiden. The reason I am sharing this photo is because it has gained new meaning to me following a very important assignment that was given in my therapy group. Since this is my 2nd time going through this program, this is the 2nd time I received this assignment... Find 'my' compassionate image (an image that evokes genuine compassion) and then I'm supposed to view myself from that compassionate place and write a letter to myself. I have never been able to do it. I have never been able to relate compassion to myself in any capacity. This time through my genius dr was able to help me figure out what MY compassionate image is. I was actually able to think of that situation and relate it to myself. The only problem that arose is that I refuse to think about it because it is TOO emotional. So I'm still screwed! We have since been trying to think of any other type of image that is similar but isn't as powerful. I promised I'd try. I FOUND IT! I realize that no one understands why this is so important and so big for me - and that's ok cuz no one is really supposed to.

This is the first thing that I have been able to look back at myself and SEE compassion - I can look at this picture and SEE what I was feeling at that very moment. I may not be able to maintain that feeling when I try focusing that compassion towards myself but this is so much closer than I've ever been. I don't remember ever being so open with my emotions (and being caught on camera LOL). This is huge and I am so proud.